We think that the way out of our old patterns will be complicated.
Secretly we want the release, we want to feel free, we want to feel alive, comfortable in our own skins and confident in our place on the earth. We crave this, yet we also fear this, we fear ourselves, we fear being exposed. We are conditioned to be afraid of life and our patterns keep those fears in place.
We fear that perhaps we will never move past these patterns that hold us in fear and separation…we can begin to think that it will take a super powerful highly advanced technique to get us out of our old patterns and into an experience of freedom.
As it turns out, the way beyond our patterns does not involve a complex magic trick, it does not come in the form of a special drug or a high salary or a mastery of a sexual technique or a fancy meditation technique or any technique for that matter…
The cosmic joke is that we just need to REMEMBER HOW IT IS TO BE NATURAL!
Is that all?
That might seem overly simple, but the truth is that in our essence we are wild and sacred and naturally ‘plugged in’ beings governed by an incredible in-built intelligence. Most of us were not educated to listen and respond to this natural wild intelligence but there is a way of coming back to it.
Basically. Tantra in my practice and understanding, is essentially a way of living and relating in which we embrace life and reclaim our natural spiritual wisdom and innocence.
In innocence there is TRUST, there is playfulness, there is the ability to be vulnerable and open and SURRENDER to what feels alive in the moment. There is the willingness to go past ideas of right and wrong and our conditioned patterns to embrace life as it is and experience life in its fullness.
Through Tantra we learn to BE with ourselves rather than run from ourselves. We shine a loving light of acceptance within so that our shadows can exist without being cut off from our deep heart. We learn to be transparent about what is really going on for us and in the process we learn to accept who we are, open more to more of what we are, and move beyond the fear that keeps us wrapped up in our old patterns.
Tantra means ‘ to weave’ and it also means ‘to expand’ . Through loving self acceptance and the willingness to honour all aspects of life as intrinsically sacred we weave all aspects of ourselves into one conscious tapestry of life. When we invite the possibility of expanding beyond ‘the known’ we invite great shifts and leaps in our behaviour and our lives.
The subject of Tantra is huge, yet it is only working for us if it is guiding us back to an experience of simplicity, of freedom, of love.
Gathering in a space dedicated to this living exploration (like a Tantra workshop) is amazing, but we can also explore the basic principals of Tantra in our daily lives by simply being DEVOTED TO THAT WHICH FEELS NATURAL. Through consciously reclaiming and inhabiting that natural wild, open, loving nature that we had as small children.
Here are a few tips for bringing this exploration into your daily life.
1. Follow the natural flow
When we are stuck in our old patterns we are usually trying to manipulate our reality in order to avoid pain and
rejection. This is kind of like the polar opposite of trust. This is the opposite of sensing into the flow and following that flow.
Following the flow involves sensing into what is moving in you right now, and following that.
Because most of us were trained to live from our heads and not our bodies then this usually involves a process of reorientation.
And it really is a process, it involves checking in with ourselves again and again and again.
You can stop at any moment of the day and ask yourself.
‘How do I feel right now?’
‘What do I need?’
Or if you come to a situation where you would like to learn to do things in a more responsive and natural way you can ask:
‘What would life want here?’
We can literally invite in more openness into our experience and consciously choose to trust in our natural responses as well as the universal plan.
Take the time to tune into your own energy, welcome whatever it is that you feel, express it, cultivate it, there are so many wonderful ways to do this, explore them, weave them into the tapestry of your life.
2. Connect, intimately, constantly.
Often we tend to think of intimacy as something that we experience only with our lover, and although the kind of intimacy we share in sexual experiences is indeed a potent form of intimacy.
We can experience intimacy anytime and anywhere when we let go of our sense of being a separate person.
My research experiment in recent years has been to see how it is to simply reveal the way that I am feeling and to lay myself bare under the gaze of others, even if they are bringing up my stuff.
Yes I actually ‘practice being seen’ and I really recommend this amazing but super simple practice.
Fortunately you can do it anywhere…
Great places to do it are dance floors, sexual encounters and anytime that you notice that you feel fear. In those moments you can notice what your instinct says to do. Is it to look cool? Is it to numb out? Instead of acting out of habit, take a pause, check in within, keep on breathing and focus on being in your body as you are witnessed by another being.
When you allow yourself to be real, you become a walking permission slip allowing everyone else to be real….
Try it for yourself…. amazing experiences of everyday intimacy could happen!
3. Create spaces for intimacy
Instead of waiting and hoping for profound exchanges of intimacy to happen, you can create those opportunities 
yourself by asking for what you need.
First of all decide who there is in your life who you trust and then decide on a clear way to ask them to join you in your exploration.
This could be a space where you will simply gaze into your each others eyes for 10 minutes then share a hug.
It could be a space where you meditate together and then exchange some intuitive healing.
Be clear about your needs and intentions and creative about the kind of container and experience you will create. If you are both clear about the guidelines and boundaries then both of you can relax into the space and great healing can occur.
I REPEAT! It is important to be super clear about the boundaries. You can ask the person if they are willing to hold a loving non- sexual space for you. This could be with the intention to help release some emotions, to ground you into your body through loving non-goal-orientated touch, or simply to share a space of presence together.
You could just say ‘Are you willing to hold space for me?’
Creating these kinds of spaces for intimacy is incredibly liberating and empowering, you can do this if you are in a relationship or not. Start small and experiment.
4. LET GO OF CONTROL!
It doesn’t have to be hard, it can just be a simple question to self:
‘How would it be to let go of this thought and allow myself to be free in this moment?’
‘How would it be if everything was perfect and this fear/anger/sadness/insecurity that I feel is ok?’
And then breathe and stay grounded, allow your feelings, and be open to the energy shifting – and see what happens.
All these are simple ways to invite in a completely different way of living and relating. A way of living where we are not living from fear, a way of living where we are open to the fullness of life moving through us. It takes vigilance and courage and humility to notice when we are acting from fear, and to choose another way. But once you get a feel for how that feels in your life, you will begin to LOVE it.
I encourage you to take your natural self into the world, explore, share and have fun!
Would you like to explore these principles in a safe and supportive space with other women?
Join us for the Sacred Succulence- Feminine Yoga and Tantra Retreat in 2016 in Bali
Do you need me to hold space for you?
Thats what I do! I offer personal sessions and coaching programs (to both women and men) to help you identify and move through your old patterns in a loving supportive way.
And other workshops and retreats for women.
Get in touch! I would love to hear from you !
