Insights for women on how to find that sweet balance between being strong, vulnerable and open.
Do you know how it feels to be playful and open, and ALSO centered and connected?
This fusion of softness and inner strength is an important key to feeling fulfilled as a woman, and if we bring these qualities into our relationships they tend to be nourishing and empowering and fulfilling.
From working with SO many women I have noticed 2 kinds of patterns.
The first I would call ‘un- boundary-ed women’. These are basically women with undefined boundaries, women who find it difficult to say no and tend to ‘lose themselves’ in relationships. These women are ‘too open’ in a way that leaves them disconnected from their inner source of wisdom and strength.
This is one extreme. Where openness is not accompanied by firm inner roots connecting us to our self worth, our own needs and our unique voice.
Then there are the women with what I call ‘strong women syndrome’.
These women are disconnected from their feminine qualities in a way that hardens them and prevents them from being able to give and RECEIVE love freely and truly relax and let go of control in everyday life.
Both of these patterns can block us from living in our power and creating healthy empowering relationships.
Do you relate to this?
Like many women I suffered what I call ‘ strong woman syndrome’. Through necessity I learnt to look after myself and cope in many different challenging circumstances. The connection to my inner ‘warrioress’ helped me to create healthy boundaries and own my worth and speak my truth with confidence. But the journey has not stopped there…
Because I, like most women, yearn for intimacy….
I do not want to be so strong and self sufficient that I am guarded against receiving love….
I want to be acknowledged as a beautiful woman, to be seen and celebrated by the masculine and to receive appreciation, affirmation and love, not from neediness or disempowerment, but from a place of deep self love.
And i want to ‘get out of my head’ and feel deep pleasure, blissful union and surrender…daily….
Not only that, but I do not want to ‘lose myself’ and my connection to my own power in the process….
Are you with me?
So how do we find this delicate balance between the strong and the open receptive parts of us?
And allow both aspects to support us in living as confident and connected women?
and to experience next level love?
The following points are playful suggestions and guidance for your own exploration of fusing softness and strength in your life and your relationships.
1.Explore how you feel, constantly!
No matter which side of the scale you veer towards, self knowledge is always your super power, to notice when you are feeling tense, and/or to notice when you are losing connection to your center…this clarity of awareness is the most important information you can have. Once you are aware of the patterns that tend to play out in you, this gives you the opportunity to redress the imbalances as they arise.
Have regular check in’s with yourself, especially when you are in situations where you tend to fall into old patterns of doing things. For instance, when with a friend who you always end up saying yes to when you really mean no. Or when you begin to get tense and defensive when you feel upset.
Notice your fallback behavior.
Notice how it feels to be shut down, tense or disconnected from your centre, noticing is the first step.
2. Sign .soften and surrender
When you notice yourself getting hardened, or notice that you are tuning out and becoming ungrounded, take a big breath into your belly, let out a juicy sigh, come back into a connection with the sensations in your body RIGHT NOW.
Your body never lies!!
It is your ultimate reference point, when in doubt, breathe into your belly, connect to your soft feminine power through a nice long deep effortless breath, then another, then another..
Allow yourself to relax into your own self.
3. Ask for what you need to go deeper
Get used to asking yourself the following question..
What do I really need right now???
Perhaps you want to feel more relaxed and supported, or maybe you need a sense of feeling centered and grounded. Perhaps you would like to be held, perhaps you need to let go of your ‘to do’ list and go for a walk.
Or..perhaps you need to RECEIVE.
Get good at asking others for what you REALLY need too ..you could ask someone in your life if they could stroke your face, or have a cup of tea with you, or make love to you.
You are a woman; one of your ‘jobs’ is to receive, either from yourself, or someone else.
ENJOY IT!!!!!
Be sure to balance the giving and receiving in your life so that you KNOW how it is to RECEIVE in a way that is empowering, nourishing and fulfilling. Be creative in designing the experience of woman hood you deeply desire.
4. Notice which patterns and beliefs you inherited.
Was your mother a push over or a control freak? It can be super helpful to reflect on how you have been influenced by the messages you received from your early life. I would suggest that perhaps if your mother had the habit of dominating, that it is part of your work in this life to learn to be soft and receptive, and if your mother was a push over that part of your work in this life is to own your worth, know your boundaries and claim relationships which honor both.
Rather than feeling helpless about your inherited patterns and the ways that you have been conditioned see what you were given as an opportunity to find a more balanced manifestation of woman.
I hope these words were helpful, I have found all these principles to be extremely helpful in taking me beyond my own patterns and into a more free flowing and enjoyable way of living and giving and receiving and BEING a woman.
This has helped me to experience a quality of intimacy in ALL of my relationship which nourishes me and reminds me how wonderful it is to be a open, integrated woman, connected to my OWN power.
And my wish is that all women are able to experience this!
body, the only place where surrender can be re-learned.
Sonja Shradha Devi is a modern day priestess, a devoted Yogini, a Women’s healer, Writer, Coach and teacher of Tao Tantra and Sacred Feminine Yoga.
