Author Archives: Shradha Devi

Sisterhood (and bitchiness)

Everywhere I go I am blessed, loved and supported by incredible women.

I realise that I have created the most valuable resource for myself,

I have tapped into the awe-inspiring wellspring of support and love that is THE SISTERHOOD, and I benefit each and every day from this.

sister love saves
Sometimes sister support comes in the form of a big hug, a supportive smile across the room a place to sleep, a lend of something I really need, a healing, a pep talk or a kick up the arse……

What I am finding is that I have a global tribe of women to support me and to midwife me through the dips and dives of of my life. Just when I need some support then invariably BOOM another gracious sister emerges to ground me, bless me and remind me of the greater truth in the situation.

What did I do to receive this incredible bounty?

I committed to sisterhood, pure and simple.

What I had to do….

I had to learn to ‘show up’ more fully in myself in order to receive this incredible gift. There were things I had to look at in myself; there have been many moments where I have had to make conscious choices. In a way claiming the sisterhood paradigm has been a process of committing to love.

So what did I have to look at?

I had to have a good look at the mechanism of bitchiness in me, I had to learn how and why I could begin to separate myself from the sisterhood and fall into the trap of the bitchiness mind set.

What I noticed…

I am only a bitch when I feel threatened or insecure.

I noticed that certain women would trigger my insecurities and they were usually quite similar to me ( a mirror in the form of a sister!).

In the event of being intimidated by another woman I noticed that i would try and convince myself that the woman in question was inferior to me in some way.

I noticed that if I was emotionally triggered by another woman that there was usually something to be learned from our glitchy connection; that we were ‘sent’ to each other to learn and grow in some way. (Once I ended up sharing a seat on a 40 hour train ride from south to north India with a woman who I had a challenging connection with! By the end of the journey we LOVED each other- true story).

I noticed that women were only bitchy to me when they felt threatened and insecure…

I noticed that the mask of superiority what I could put on would only come as a an effort for me to make myself feel better about myself.

I also noticed that I could choose NOT to be a bitch and embrace her as a sister instead (even if she was acting as a ‘mirror sister’ showing me things I did not want to see.)

I noticed all this and I decided to commit to sisterhood because it feels SO much better.

I choose every single day to recognize every woman that I meet as my sister

I want my sisters to be happy so I offer them my loving presence in any way I can. I want my sisters to recognise their own beauty so I recognise their beauty and let them know what I see. I take every opportunity I have to say ‘Woah sister! – You rock!’. I have learnt from the example of other amazing sisters committed to sisterhood and i offer whatever support I can to a sister, whether I have known her for 10 years or 2 minutes.

I am not faking any of it, I really mean it. My sisters are truly awesome.

And the more I celebrate my sisters the more I celebrate myself, and the more they celebrate me. It is a win-win

At a Sacred Succulence Retreat with Rachel Love

What I did (and continually do) to commit to the sisterhood…

I recognized that my sisters and I all want the same thing, to be loved and appreciated.

I understood that we each have a different part of the pie and we do not have to fight for it.

If a sister is super amazing (even if it triggers my insecurities) I choose to TRUST that her amazingness is a gift to the world and no threat to me.

I choose to see us as a vast tribe working for the same big mama.

When I have fallen into the trap of judging and comparing I have asked forgiveness of the sister involved (usually just in my mind unless the right moment comes to share) for projecting my crap at her. (I use the process of ho’pono’pono constantly with this sort of thing- cant recommend it enough…)

Also…I forgave my sisters for collectively buying into this false notion of separation and competition. The fact is that we were trained into the separation paradigm that creates bitchiness…

Bitchiness is fabulous fuel for the patriarchy

It keeps us in competition so it keep us alone, so it keeps us disempowered…to claim sisterhood is to change your reality and claim your birth right as a woman to feel loved and supported.

The sisterhood will heal you (and the rest of the world too).

At a Tao Tantric Arts Retreat

In many traditional cultures it was understood that the women (when united!) were holding the fabric of the community together, they were bonding together, birthing together, dreaming together, praying together and working through their crap together. It was understood that to destroy the culture and health of a tribe you went and dismantled the women’s space first. Without the supportive web of the women, without the spiritual, emotional and energetic holding of the collective feminine it was easy to bring down the village.

I truly believe that what we are doing now is bringing healing to the world through reclaiming sisterhood.

The more we let down our defences, show our vulnerability and open up our hearts to each other, the more love is going to be pumping around this planet healing us all and creating the harmony that we all need.

It is every woman’s inherent birth right but it takes a commitment to rise above the conditioning that tells us that a sexy/successful/beautiful woman is our competition and not our support.

Yes- you have to surrender your judgements and question where they are coming from. And yes you might have to learn a completely new way of relating…

Instead of contracting when you see a woman who you are judging/being emotionally triggered by, you will have to be willing to look at her with the eyes of love, and see your sister, who hurts like you, and dreams like you, and yearns like you.

And in return for your efforts you receive the ultimate prize!

You will have a tribe of deeply loving women supporting you, loving you and blessing you, every step of the way.

What could be more valuable than that?

Truly, the only reason I am able to do what I do is due to the back up of my super strong sisterhood. Through our sisters we learn to love ourselves, from this place of wholeness we can be in relationship with the men in our lives in a healthy way.

To create a fulfilling experience of woman hood, the sisterhood comes first !

Do you have difficulty connecting to other women? If so perhaps you could benefit from working through these issues with a loving sister coach ( like me!).

I am available for one on one sessions and coaching programs Contact me now !

What does it take to be a radiant woman?

To be radiant is to literally ‘radiate’ and to be a radiant woman is to be available to the full expression of our feeling life and to not hold back from the expression of our living truth. It is to be a conduit for ‘Shakti’ allowing this unbridled creative life force to truly touch us, open us and express itself through us.

My experience is that radiance is a lived experience, it is a visceral reality that is birthed and fed by a series of choices….

The choice to listen rather than distract, the choice to feel rather than numb out, the choice to trust rather than fear, the choice to explore and express rather than stay in familiar patterns,the choice to go beyond the known, the choice to feel our anger, sadness and despair, as well as our joy and beauty. The choice to take the time to feel into what feels true RIGHT NOW, the choice ‘do the work’ and explore and accept all our different fragments…. the choice to keep on responding to life rather than controlling it.

Our ultimate choice is to take our focus from the outside and feed it back in, to notice the texture of our emotions, the depths of subtle sensation, the wisdom of deep feeling. This inner focus awakens the power of ‘Shakti’

Shakti- She is the power of creation. She is feminine life force assessable to both men and women, and she is a particularly potent radiance booster for women…

She is pure energy without a story, she is fresh and wild and she loves to move and MOVE SHE WILL when we give her the time and space to be. She is the energy that births life in ever fresh forms and she is continually birthing US into ever fresh expressions.

She is the wisdom within us that knows how to let go of what keeps us small, she is showing us all the time… our only job is to listen and surrender our defences, moment by moment.

When Shakti is moving we are radiant and powerful, in the deepest truest most life affirming sense.

Remove the doubt and distraction and we shine naturally, when we become intimate with the flow of life force we tap into our inherent radiance and potency…

My prayer is that all the sisters support each other to know this experience, to discern the living truth and shine our radiance without shame, do something radical now, check in with what you are really feeling and BREATHE into whatever you are feeling,and/ or support a sister to do the same.

I bow down to the Shakti in you!

Would you like to experience the practices that help me to fully embody Shakti and be a radiant woman????

Then check out the Wild Sacred Feminine Meditation recordings

for Sacred Sensual and Deep Nourishment practices

for Living Radiance.

Shakti Tantric Pilgrimage-24th to the 29th October-India

This will be a very special opportunity to gather with women as part of a Sacred Feminine ‘Shakti’ retreat in India. This will be co lead by Shashi Solluna and Sonja Shradha Devi and there will be comfortable accommodation near to the ancient Tantric Temples of Khajaraho for us to stay.

For more details please go to www.shaktifestival.com

Living Love- Reclaiming our Wild Sacred Knowing

Our wild sacred feminine knowing is our connection to the depths of who we are. To live in relationship with, and receive guidance from, our inner wisdom is to honour and serve the divine feminine principal at a time when its very resurgence has the potential to transform consciousness and bring the world into a state of harmony for the next generations to enjoy.

So how do we do this, how do we live in connection to love, being love, giving love, embodying love? and how do we reclaim our wild sacred knowing, our living connection to the Sacred Feminine?

The mainstream view of modern society is that we need to do something, be something, get something to have a life of meaning. It has us believe that we need to control life rather than be a channel for aliveness .We only validate knowledge from ‘what is scientifically proven’ and fight against our bodies, we have forgotten to listen It is obvious that the world suffers in the face of such an imbalance.

The feminine wisdom that comes from our living experience offers us a completely different paradigm. The feminine values and practices honour the qualities of receptivity and compassion, it values simplicity and beauty and the sensual art of being.

When we befriend and learn from embodied wisdom we transform ourselves and our lives follow suit. We literally embody the Sacred Feminine, bringing healing and balance to the world.

The change that comes from within

Before the change can come in the external world, before we can end the struggle ‘out there’ in the world around us we have to end the fight with self.

And it all begins with the way that we relate to ourselves, it has everything to do with the way that we allow ourselves to be who we naturally are-or not.

It usually requires a lot less effort and a lot more effortlessness, a lot less doing and trying and a lot more being and allowing.

When we initially contemplate such a shift in direction and perspective we might feel fear or disbelief, if I stop ‘trying’ to be good and ‘trying’ to do good, wont I just get lazy, what will I do, how will I contribute? It can feel scary to let go of the reigns of control, but we must do this in order to feel that ‘something deeper’ that wellspring of love flowing beyond the fear,

The most radical thing that we can do is learn to love ourselves because exactly what the world needs is more love, through learning to love ourselves we quite literally transform the world.

The good news is that this is simple, it may not be simple to rewire the ways that we have been doing things for as long as we can remember, yes that does take perseverance and tenacity(and yes this is the path of the warrioress), but the methods of cultivating self love are simple and completely within our means to utilize and live.

More than that… it is a path of profound discovery, effortless unfolding and incredible joy.

Knowing who we are

In order to know and feel our inherent worth we need to cultivate a relationship with ourselves and our bodies that is self-affirming and supportive. We have to know ourselves- really well. We need to know what makes us feel good, we need to know what does not make us feel good, we need to know how to ask for what we need and most of all we need to be able to give ourselves what we need.

Our spiritual path as woman is a process of feeling into our experience and learning to trust and be guided by our natural wisdom.

(Not by emotion-this is a very important distinction to make for a woman as although the emotional life needs to be fully met and experienced and accepted, and the energy within the emotions skilfully channelled, if we navigated life purely from our emotional perspective then we can easily fall into confusion and overwhelm.)

Yoga and Tantra and the Tao all offer us tools to explore ourselves and our relationship with the natural flow of things. But whatever our spiritual and life practice looks like what counts is our capacity to listen, to learn the language of our inner world and find out our unique way to navigate our internal terrain with skill and respect.

And it is not a part time job, our Wild Sacred Wisdom is ever changing. It continually invites us to meet ourselves with fresh eyes, to fold our entire experience into our exploration and understanding of divinity. Our everyday life, listening and loving, becomes our spiritual practice. With the very way we move and breathe and live becoming a pure expression of ‘Shakti’ (feminine life force) flowing freely.

This quest requires dedication, curiosity, tenderness and devotion.

It requires gathering up everything that we are and everything we have experienced and everything in our present experience whatever that may be, in our tender embrace.

This is love in action, this is radical, sometimes it is incredibly painful to love our selves through our dark times, in our contracted shapes, our fear and our vulnerability. But we can no longer run and hide from life if we want to receive the fruits of our knowing. This is part of the deal. To BE HERE FULLY and not shut off, not shrink away from the intensity of who we are and what we experience.

Guided by deep feeling

On this journey we have the power of reasoning that we can draw upon and something much deeper still, a wisdom that is in a dynamic relationship with life and which has a greater view of the picture than our reasoning mind ever has.

On the path of self-discovery

everything is welcome

Our power lies in our willingness to show up and enquire and to be there for ourselves whatever happens. The connection to our inner divine feminine is, in a very real way, the quality of the divine mother with her capacity to gather us up and love us up whatever we do. She shows us that when we fuck up we can learn from it and that when we begin to pay attention and listen deep it is amazing how much we begin to notice and learn.

We can learn to be guided by deep feeling……..

Deep feeling being our inner wisdom, a sense that is deeper than the emotional whirlwinds of experience, you could call it intuitive knowing, our gut feeling- call it whatever makes sense to you, personally I call it wild sacred feminine knowing. Whatever you call it, it cannot be understood or logically explained, no scientist is going to be able to prove it, it has to be experienced first hand. It has a life of its own, and in all indigenous cultures the women were shown how to connect to it, these days we have to find it ourselves, you could say, we have to reclaim it.

Fortunately it never went anywhere and many of us have accessed it very naturally. Because it is natural, simply the most natural thing ever, but if we are stuck in our heads, like most of us were trained to be, then we miss it.

And if we miss out…..

When we miss it, we miss out on our inner guidance, the compass that always shows the way and we will probably miss out on the capacity to accept and embrace all that we are. We might find ourselves living a life that does not truly satisfy and fulfil us, we may find ourselves walking around in shrunken versions of ourselves or in relationships that do not allow us to blossom, we will probably not be the living breathing glowing radiant self that we were born to be, unable to taste our feminine essence and express the juiciness of who we are.

And what a shame that would be.

The good news is ….

The good news is that although our connection can be forgotten, or even just overlooked a bit too regularly, it is always there ready to light us back up, ignite us back to life, illuminate what we need to know.

We can find it together ( our capacity ‘to listen’ magnifies in the company of women sharing the intention) and we can find it through our own relationship with life. All we need to do is learn to listen, listen deep. That’s it. To come out of our heads and into our hearts and into our bodies and listen.

Life is continually providing you the opportunity to listen deeply within and meet all that you feel with unconditional loving acceptance

When we feel comfortable with ourselves, we find that from this basic space of allowing, we can meet and explore ourselves and the life that is constantly expressing itself within us, through us and around us. Our whole life becomes the stage on which we dance the unfolding of our unique Wild Sacred life.

Knowing ourselves is an endless quest and learning to access our inner knowing is an endless journey with no definite destination. It is the journey of our lives, the unveiling of the wild sacred woman within.

A love story….

And it is a love story, an adventure thriller, a murder mystery (where we die again and again and live to tell the tale) there is action and stillness, romance and heartache.

The story is both deeply personal and completely collective and entirely impersonal, a shared drama where there is a place for every aspect of our inner and outer life, and we have to be there through THE WHOLE THING and participate with every level of our being! Because by showing up and being present to being here fully we contribute our essence to the mix this is our sacred offering, when we all show up then this story can be a great one,

It is our part of the story that we have power over,

Our actions and reactions, whether we listen to our needs or ignore them, whether we listen to what our bodies tell us or push on through regardless. Whether we allow ourselves to dance with life or just keep on walking in a strait line, not looking, not feeling, not listening. Whether we follow the call of our hearts or the reasoning voice of fear in our heads.

The great letting go

This is a path that requires letting go of what does not serve us and also walking gently on the earth. Of allowing our selves to be held as we grow and learn and to hold others in the same way, this is the feminine resurgence and this is the medicine that the world is hungry for. Through this capacity to STAY WITH and BE WITH and BREATHE THROUGH and FEEL INTO we learn to sense that something is holding us all the way through, this is divinity, the greatness that is both beyond us and within us.

This quest is the quest for truth, and what is truth but love?

And what is the point of love if we do not feel it and be it and dance with it and be danced by it? This is the feminine way and all women are cordially invited to take part and by doing so we call in the wild sacred masculine and let it know that we are ready to meet and create together. We do what we do in service of love, the greatest love that is, a love that is lived and alive and expressed within us, and through us.

I love nothing more than to provide spaces for women to experience this for themselves, to plug into the wisdom and power from within. Please Join me at workshop or retreat or book in for a private session.

Embodying the Wild Sacred Feminine: Norway, September 18th-21st

Embodying the Wild Sacred Feminine

A Women’s Yoga Retreat

September 18-21, Norway

A journey into feminine embodiment for those yearning to live as a radiant, confident sensual woman.

Flowing feminine Yoga, Tao Tantric practices, womb meditation, Dance and Sacred Feminine ritual.

This 3-day Retreat will be a nourishing and transformative journey. You will learn many feminine practices that will leave you feeling activated, rejuvenated and content in your own body.

It is appropriate for women of all ages and body types and levels of experience!

Pris: 2500 kr – Studenter, uføre og pensjonister 10%.

Early Bird Rabatt på 10% for påmelding før 1.august. hedda@grimstadyoga.no, mob: 4621 9714 –

www.grimstadyoga.no

Tantra 101 – 4 tips for daily life

We think that the way out of our old patterns will be complicated.

Secretly we want the release, we want to feel free, we want to feel alive, comfortable in our own skins and confident in our place on the earth. We crave this, yet we also fear this, we fear ourselves, we fear being exposed. We are conditioned to be afraid of life and our patterns keep those fears in place.

We fear that perhaps we will never move past these patterns that hold us in fear and separation…we can begin to think that it will take a super powerful highly advanced technique to get us out of our old patterns and into an experience of freedom.

As it turns out, the way beyond our patterns does not involve a complex magic trick, it does not come in the form of a special drug or a high salary or a mastery of a sexual technique or a fancy meditation technique or any technique for that matter…

The cosmic joke is that we just need to REMEMBER HOW IT IS TO BE NATURAL!

Is that all?

That might seem overly simple, but the truth is that in our essence we are wild and sacred and naturally ‘plugged in’ beings governed by an incredible in-built intelligence. Most of us were not educated to listen and respond to this natural wild intelligence but there is a way of coming back to it.

Basically. Tantra in my practice and understanding, is essentially a way of living and relating in which we embrace life and reclaim our natural spiritual wisdom and innocence.

In innocence there is TRUST, there is playfulness, there is the ability to be vulnerable and open and SURRENDER to what feels alive in the moment. There is the willingness to go past ideas of right and wrong and our conditioned patterns to embrace life as it is and experience life in its fullness.

Through Tantra we learn to BE with ourselves rather than run from ourselves. We shine a loving light of acceptance within so that our shadows can exist without being cut off from our deep heart. We learn to be transparent about what is really going on for us and in the process we learn to accept who we are, open more to more of what we are, and move beyond the fear that keeps us wrapped up in our old patterns.

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Tantra means ‘ to weave’ and it also means ‘to expand’ . Through loving self acceptance and the willingness to honour all aspects of life as intrinsically sacred we weave all aspects of ourselves into one conscious tapestry of life. When we invite the possibility of expanding beyond ‘the known’ we invite great shifts and leaps in our behaviour and our lives.

The subject of Tantra is huge, yet it is only working for us if it is guiding us back to an experience of simplicity, of freedom, of love.

Gathering in a space dedicated to this living exploration (like a Tantra workshop) is amazing, but we can also explore the basic principals of Tantra in our daily lives by simply being DEVOTED TO THAT WHICH FEELS NATURAL. Through consciously reclaiming and inhabiting that natural wild, open, loving nature that we had as small children.

Here are a few tips for bringing this exploration into your daily life.

1. Follow the natural flow

When we are stuck in our old patterns we are usually trying to manipulate our reality in order to avoid pain and
rejection. This is kind of like the polar opposite of trust. This is the opposite of sensing into the flow and following that flow.

Following the flow involves sensing into what is moving in you right now, and following that.

Because most of us were trained to live from our heads and not our bodies then this usually involves a process of reorientation.

And it really is a process, it involves checking in with ourselves again and again and again.

You can stop at any moment of the day and ask yourself.

‘How do I feel right now?’

‘What do I need?’

Or if you come to a situation where you would like to learn to do things in a more responsive and natural way you can ask:

‘What would life want here?’

We can literally invite in more openness into our experience and consciously choose to trust in our natural responses as well as the universal plan.

Take the time to tune into your own energy, welcome whatever it is that you feel, express it, cultivate it, there are so many wonderful ways to do this, explore them, weave them into the tapestry of your life.

2. Connect, intimately, constantly.

Often we tend to think of intimacy as something that we experience only with our lover, and although the kind of intimacy we share in sexual experiences is indeed a potent form of intimacy.

We can experience intimacy anytime and anywhere when we let go of our sense of being a separate person.

My research experiment in recent years has been to see how it is to simply reveal the way that I am feeling and to lay myself bare under the gaze of others, even if they are bringing up my stuff.

Yes I actually ‘practice being seen’ and I really recommend this amazing but super simple practice.

Fortunately you can do it anywhere…

Great places to do it are dance floors, sexual encounters and anytime that you notice that you feel fear. In those moments you can notice what your instinct says to do. Is it to look cool? Is it to numb out? Instead of acting out of habit, take a pause, check in within, keep on breathing and focus on being in your body as you are witnessed by another being.

When you allow yourself to be real, you become a walking permission slip allowing everyone else to be real….

Try it for yourself…. amazing experiences of everyday intimacy could happen!

3. Create spaces for intimacy

Instead of waiting and hoping for profound exchanges of intimacy to happen, you can create those opportunities yourself by asking for what you need.

First of all decide who there is in your life who you trust and then decide on a clear way to ask them to join you in your exploration.

This could be a space where you will simply gaze into your each others eyes for 10 minutes then share a hug.

It could be a space where you meditate together and then exchange some intuitive healing.

Be clear about your needs and intentions and creative about the kind of container and experience you will create. If you are both clear about the guidelines and boundaries then both of you can relax into the space and great healing can occur.

I REPEAT! It is important to be super clear about the boundaries. You can ask the person if they are willing to hold a loving non- sexual space for you. This could be with the intention to help release some emotions, to ground you into your body through loving non-goal-orientated touch, or simply to share a space of presence together.

You could just say ‘Are you willing to hold space for me?’

Creating these kinds of spaces for intimacy is incredibly liberating and empowering, you can do this if you are in a relationship or not. Start small and experiment.

4. LET GO OF CONTROL!

It doesn’t have to be hard, it can just be a simple question to self:

‘How would it be to let go of this thought and allow myself to be free in this moment?’

‘How would it be if everything was perfect and this fear/anger/sadness/insecurity that I feel is ok?’

And then breathe and stay grounded, allow your feelings, and be open to the energy shifting – and see what happens.

All these are simple ways to invite in a completely different way of living and relating. A way of living where we are not living from fear, a way of living where we are open to the fullness of life moving through us. It takes vigilance and courage and humility to notice when we are acting from fear, and to choose another way. But once you get a feel for how that feels in your life, you will begin to LOVE it.

I encourage you to take your natural self into the world, explore, share and have fun!

Would you like to explore these principles in a safe and supportive space with other women?

Join us for the Sacred Succulence- Feminine Yoga and Tantra Retreat in 2016 in Bali

Do you need me to hold space for you?

Thats what I do! I offer personal sessions and coaching programs (to both women and men) to help you identify and move through your old patterns in a loving supportive way.

And other workshops and retreats for women.

Get in touch! I would love to hear from you !

Take me deeper or do not take me at all

Last night I symbolically threw my shame in the river, I threw in the subtle shame I realised I hold on some level about being single. As if maybe that makes me somehow inadequate or undesirable or just not good enough at manifesting!

I released this unhelpful thought form, because it is not based on truth.

If I really wanted a man, I could ‘get’ one, I could manipulate reality somehow and find a body to share my bed with, but the truth is that I do not just want any body. I want a man who can truly open me and open TO me. A man who can really see me, a man who is dedicated to growth and truth in the same way that I am. A man who takes me deeper than I can go myself.

I am determined not to purchase the idea that men are ‘behind’ the women in terms of growing up and showing up (although I could easily rustle up a hell of a lot of evidence to prove this) and my intention in writing about this subject is not to point out that men are not capable of really meeting me. It is about me getting super clear about where I am investing my energy, where I am losing energy, where I am barking up the wrong tree, where I am forgetting to trust, where I am selling out for the hope of fulfilling a romantic vision, and losing touch with reality in the process.

Forgive me for making pronouncements for all women, because many might disagree, but from my own experience I would say that the romantic illusion is FUCKING STRONG for us women.

I am generally a very grounded woman (and pretty wise actually, ask my friends!) and yet in the field of relating I have observed an unbelievable tendency to create intricate webs of delusion centred around whoever it is I am attracted to. FUCK. It is SO frustrating, I experience first hand how I can go into a complete story as soon as I fancy a guy.

So this article is about ME, and this tendency of women to give our power away, in the hope of receiving love and validation and fulfilling a romantic fantasy.

Let me take you back 48 hours, to a scene by a river, here in magnificent beautiful tropical Bali. At a restaurant with a dear soul sister, I was freshly out of a period of fasting and meditation, with a fresh perspective on THE TRUTH about what had been REALLY going on with the last guy I had been relating to.

First of all, the guy is lovely, was as honest with me as he could be, this is not really about him.

What I could observe clearly, after a couple of weeks of being completely friggin confused and blind, was that I was moving towards this guy, basically because I was following a romantic impulse, and just really wanted to be seen, met and loved, by a man.

Yes I admit it.

I am dying to be loved, seen and met, by a man.

The problem is that this man was so obviously not in a position to meet me and fulfil these needs, yet something in me kept on moving towards him, I was moved from a place of lack rather than a place of fullness, I created a story which fed my unconscious insecurities, and my precious energy was wasted in the process.

On this night, in a fit of clarity on the whole issue, I made a stand for myself, I have no idea if I will uphold it but still it feels really important to at least try.

(And my friend told me I had to write about it, I really didn’t want to because this subject makes me feel really vulnerable, but when she said it I got a funny feeling in my tummy that indicated to me that I had no choice, I had to write about it. And I trust that if you are reading this then this might be meaningful to you in some way.)

So what did I make a stand for?

To not give my power and energy away to relationships that do not take me deeper into an experience of truth, intimacy and aliveness.

To not settle for unconscious relating or unsatisfying sex.

(Am I the only girl who gets emotionally attached as soon as she has sex with someone? This is not my pledge to be celibate until marriage but this is a kick up the arse to myself to honour the fact that my heart and yoni are inextricably linked, and to only create ties to men who are UP FOR THE JOURNEY and ready and willing to meet me in the depths and stay present for the whole process.)

My intention is to HAVE MY EYES OPEN and notice when I have moved from reality into fantasy, to communicate, to be authentic, to be CLEAR ABOUT MY OWN NEEDS, and find empowering ways to fulfil them.

And a note to the men:

I want you, I need you, and if you are relating to me intimately I need you to open to me, if you hold back your presence and love, we both lose out.

If you cannot open to me, please explain to the best of your ability what is going on for you, let me know where you are at, so at least I can try and work from it on my side.

Please help me, lovingly, to stay in my centre and have compassion for the fact that I have this massive urge to love and be loved, and if I am attracted to you, there is a good chance I will project some of my yearning on to you.

Please be aware of how sensitive I am to your touch and presence, I have learnt to be vulnerable and soft so that I can surrender to you as the feminine principal, and that means I come to you un-armoured by choice, so please take care. Please understand that my yearning for love feels bigger than me. I can get blinded by my pull to merge with you!

And thank you for every time you have been honest with me, and loving at the same time, this is incredible medicine for my heart. Thank you for every moment you have come to me with respect and love and received the preciousness of my gifts. Thank you for every time you have entered me with presence and devotion. Thank you for every time you have stayed with me until our process is complete and left me with a feeling of being respected and honoured.

And to myself….and all women

Thank you for being open to love, thank you for being human too, and vulnerable and real, thank you for choosing to focus your energy on what Is expansive and supportive, and making wise choices that serve your greatest needs rather than your need to be validated.

And also.

Life is amazing you are amazing! Please do not sell out for that small part of you who is afraid that she is not loveable!

If there is not a man on the scene that is capable of offering you something of worth, and who is able to recognize and receive the gift of you, don’t waste you time. Be single and proud, make love to life, nurture your energy, feed your power and cultivate discernment. Respect the preciousness of your own energy and the temple of your own body and share it with the people who expand you beyond your small self’s fears…If they are not here now, they will come, until then, rest into being and TRUST!

How I un-numbed my yoni

Yes it was numb, I knew that and that was a disturbing and confusing fact. It is not that my yoni (aka my vagina) had no feeling at all, yet it was certainly numb, and I knew there must be SO much more sensation and pleasure available to me as a woman.

I had no idea why it was desensitized or how to heal this, in fact I had no idea that what I needed was healing. No one ever spoke about this! I assumed everyone else was a naturally vibrant sexual diva and I was the freak. I felt resigned to my fate at some level, as I quite simply did not know what to do and felt too ashamed to ask anyone,

I felt like something must be wrong with me…

Does any of this sound familiar?

A journey of reclamation

Fortunately life took me on an interesting journey to ‘un-numb’ my yoni. And I would love to share this with you, as I am sure I wasn’t the first, nor will I be the last to experience this phenomenon.

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I want every woman to know the delicious pleasure of having a yoni that feels utterly available to the flow of vital life energy coursing through it.

I want every woman to understand how powerful she is as a sexually activated woman and how she can engage with a process of healing and reawakening of her sexuality both on her own and with the help of others.

Why do we need healing?

I want to highlight some possible reasons for desensitization of our sexual organs. Indeed for so many women this comes a result of sexual abuse of some description. But this can also be a result of any sexual experiences that did not feel completely safe and sacred and honouring.

And really, how many women have had those sorts of experiences?

Yes that’s right. Pretty much all of them as far as I can tell…

In a culture where conscious sex is not exactly the mainstay and real sexual education is wanting….is it any wonder that many of us find that our sexuality has not had the right soil in which to blossom ?? And consequently our sexual organs have lost their capacity to feel the full breadth of pleasure that is available to us.

Your yoni is a sensitive flower

We as women are sooo sensitive, that is our gift, the oh so tender tissues of our intimate area are like the petals of flowers, soft and tender and designed to open fully in the presence of love.

Our Sexual anatomy is remarkably responsive, it is designed to feel and respond to loving touch.

But the flip side of this is that when these incredibly responsive tissues do receive sensitive touch then they can close off and contract.

Also, when we are not able to process feelings that arise in sexual experiences, then the unexpressed and unprocessed emotions can get stored in these tissues – and numbness develops as a result.

Many women have become habitually contracted and numb in this area. The numbness is essentially a defence against feeling pain, there is sadness, anger, frustration and grief locked up beneath the numbness, therefore often what is needed to restore full feeling, is healing, the process of coming back to wholeness, our natural sexual innocence and vitality.

Sexual healing for women

When we are able to access, express and release these stored emotions, in a safe and supportive space, we are set free. The numbness dissolves and fresh life-force is invited back in, to flow freely, nourishing us with pleasure and vitality.

Sexual healing is available in different forms, here are the ways that I have found to un-numb my yoni and transform my sexuality in the process.

1. Sacred Self pleasure

At some point I realised that to reclaim sensitivity and a positive relationship to my sexuality then I had to make sexuality sacred for myself. So the first step of my healing journey began with what I like to call ‘Sacred self pleasure.’

Despite the fact that I had not been raised with strong religious influences, a sense of sexual pleasure being ‘dirty’ had somehow slipped into my subconscious. Sexual pleasure was accompanied by a subtle sense of shame and self-pleasuring was NOT recognized as a spiritual practice.

But I needed to make it one.

So how did I do that?

I would touch myself and receive the sensation as a gift from the goddess. Self-pleasuring became sacred because I made it sacred, I used this time to re-educate my approach to my sexual life and combine this with my spiritual life.

I kept on opening my heart to the feelings that arose in me as I touched myself, I loved myself through shame, through disgust, through fear… and found that all this ultimately dropped away in the face of my loving attention.

This ‘work’ I did with myself was an all-important first step towards reclaiming a nourishing connection with my sexual energy.

2. Tantric Yoni massage

I did not know exactly what it would involve, yet somehow I knew that Tantric yoni massage was part of what I needed for my healing, and I felt a deep sense of trust in the therapist healers that came my way.

You have to trust your healer!

More than anyone else perhaps, sexual healers need to be in the highest integrity, Fortunately I had enough self respect to attract healers who embodied this, and with this sense of trust, I was able to receive the profound gifts of yoni massage.

The true medicine of Yoni massage is imparted through the yoni being met with loving skilful touch by a deeply present and loving person in a sacred space. This kind of healing has the power to initiate huge emotional releases and powerful healing. This was my experience. It was profound, opening me in ways that I could not have imagined.

3. Yoni meditations

When we focus our devoted presence back into the subtle sensations of our yonis then we can reawaken the sense of aliveness and subsequent sensitivity.

Have you ever been guided to meditate on the sensations in your sexual organs?

Probably not…

Funnily enough most of us have not been encouraged to become truly intimate with our intimate areas…

Our sexual organs can become ‘down there’…. a long lost forgotten land outside the field of our awareness. Or perhaps we do not feel able to ‘be with‘ our sexual feelings in a safe and nourishing way, with deep presence and love.

Through the Tap Tantric Arts I have discovered, and have gone on to create for myself, meditations which activate ‘ the sexual palace’ (I LOVE this Taoist term!) using attention, sound, intention and movement to deepen my experience of my own sexuality.

Sacred Sensual meditations provide an assessable way to invite presence into your sexual organs and initiate healing and pathways to pleasure.

4. The jade egg-goddess technology

The jade egg (yes it is actually an egg made out of jade..) was used by mystical courtesans in the royal palaces of ancient China at a time when the power and preciousness of sexual energy was recognized and actively cultivated as an art form.

In a modern context, the jade egg practices are included in the super yummy nourishing practices of Tao Tantra.

The vibration of the jade gives a crystal healing from the inside and the internal massage from the jade egg exercises increase sensitivity inside the vaginal canal, opening up pleasure spots that may have become desensitized.

The jade egg offers us a way to heal ourselves with awareness, love and consciousness and create an ‘awakened yoni’.

It is best to begin your Jade egg journey with an experienced practitioner who can best guide you to make the most of your practice. All women can benefit from regular jade egg practice! Find out more about the jade egg here

5. Conscious tantric love making

When the time is right, the partner is right, the environment is right..then BOOM! This is probably the most effective and transformative healing you can get.

When a man can fully embody the unwavering presence and infinite love of Shiva, and he holds you in that, touches you from that, and does not falter in his devoted loving. Then the pure force of that loving presence can undo layers and layers of numbness in just a slight touch.

You do not find a Shiva of this calibre loitering on every street corner but they are out there. If we value ourselves enough, and stand in our truth as Shakti (Shiva’s divine consort) and inhabit our own body as a sacred temple then we radiate a frequency that will, sooner or later, draw in the kind of man who can meet us as the goddess that we are.

Hallelujah!

Every woman deserves to be seen, loved, held and celebrated in this way, and our yonis truly blossom in the ecstasy of this meeting.

We deserve it ! You deserve it!

It is an exciting time! We are remembering that sexual energy is powerful and precious.

Do not forget that there is support out there, and we are all in this together. Women’s workshops and circles provide the safe and supportive spaces to explore who you are as a sexual being, with curiosity and awareness, and with the support of other women.

Whatever works for you, be open, be soft, be loving and also be courageous as you facilitate your relationship to your own sacred sexual experience and reclaim your pleasure potential.

There is so much beauty and power resting in you. Enjoy the journey of unearthing your internal treasures as a Sacred Sensual woman!

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If you would like some guidance and support on your path of un-numbing your yoni

I would LOVE to help you!

I recommend beginning your journey with the

Sacred Sensual Meditation Recordings

these offer guided practices that you can experience in your own home !

Click here for more information or work with me for personal support.

How to move past fear and embody your inner goddess

One of the women who has attended our ‘Sacred Succulence’ women’s workshops and retreats, and who is, in her words, exploring what succulence is to her, and how she can embody that more, was telling me on day 2 of a 3 day workshop about the voices in her head that tell her why everyone else is sexier and more empowered than she is and tell her that maybe she should just give up and go home and get back into her comfort zone…

We spoke about how damn normal that is, how we all have our own versions of those stories. It was a beautiful sharing in which we could both reveal the ways that our fear works in us and closes us down.

Then the next time we spoke was the last morning of the 3 day workshop and something big had obviously shifted, she was standing taller, she was swinging her hips and smiling brightly and had obviously stepped into her goddess self. She looked at me and saw that I was seeing her, really seeing her and recognising her dramatic shift into her goddess self, and she said ‘yes-why not?’

Indeed..why not?

2000 years of repression of the feminine is no longer a good enough excuse as to why we would make ourselves small.

Those voices inside our heads that have nothing but negative criticism also need not be a reason for not saying YES to embodying our own power, beauty and sensuality.

The fear that our own power and sensuality is scary, selfish, inaccessible or lacking, need also not be a stumbling block that prevents us from connecting to our feminine essence and power.

What I love the most about my work in holding spaces for women to activate and explore their feminine energy is that women can feel safe enough to go beyond those voices and begin to discover for themselves what succulence, sensuality and feminine power looks like and feels like for them.

In these workshops and retreats we provide the space for women to explore what living as a goddess looks like and feels like for them, we are all a different flavour of goddess energy and we need to know, respect and claim our unique qualities.

Women might come in with the idea that they want to fit an image of what ‘sexy’ and ‘powerful’ and ‘succulent’ looks like and that they need to change who they are to fit this image. But they soon discover that the journey to embodying these qualities is really about creating the conditions for their own deep feminine qualities to emerge naturally.

In these workshops and retreats we provide the much needed space for women to awaken and celebrate their unique qualities ,and we provide the space for them to release what prevents them from feeling and living in alignment with their feminine essence.

I can honestly say that no woman has ever left one my workshops with anything less than a big smile and a twinkle in her eye and a spring in her step. And of course this has so much to do with the Shakti awakening practices offered, but the real medicine, the real jewel that makes it so potent and life changing is the nourishing space of sisterhood.

Whilst many women in the generations before us lived without communities of supportive women, that paradigm of isolation is no longer workable because it keeps us separated from the empowerment and activation that we receive from gathering in sacred space with other women.

Sacred space is a space we create together with the intention to go beyond the superficial, all indigenous cultures have gathered in this way and these spaces were the backbone for a healthy society. In that space we do not chat, we do not interact on a superficial level, we do not judge. We join together in a space of unconditional love and acceptance so that we may explore, release and connect to that which we have been over looking in our busy lives. This supportive space, like the womb, is the nourishing foundation on which we can grow and thrive as a woman.

The truth is that we can not do it alone, those voices can take over us, we can so easily get pulled into giving too much, we can get so stuck in our heads, up tight, closed off, and feel helpless, not knowing what we need or who we are.

In sisterhood we remember who we are, we remember how it feels to be supported and connected. From the ground we find within beautiful things can begin to grow effortlessly; we tap into the wellspring of Shakti, of feminine life force, rather than continually drawing from, and depleting, our reserves.

Together we are strong, together we are empowered and reborn, together we shine and are able to offer our gifts to the world, to our men and to our children with a sense of joy rather than obligation.

It is my prayer that more and more women offer themselves this experience of sisterhood and regular time spent in sacred space with other women, mining the gold that rests inside every woman’s body; that exquisite feminine essence of sweet succulence, so that we may navigate life in a more feminine way, honoring ourselves and life in the process.

Come and join us in sacred space! Click here for information about our upcoming Bali Retreats!

The Goddess of Willendorf

In Search of the Feminine Divine